The guaranteed way to NOT feel gratitude is to expect that it should come naturally to you.
“You SHOULD be grateful for what you have!”
How many times have you been told that?
Did it work?
Of course not!
Because gratitude comes to us about as naturally as brushing our teeth.
And guess what…
Our ancestors did neither of those things and they survived just fine. (Just imagine the smell of your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather’s breath…and his equally foul, pessimistic outlook on his chances of survival. Pee-ew!)
But today, in our current world, in which the threat of being eaten by a lion, or the threat of starvation, are far less likely, it’s less useful to be in a perpetual state of anxiety, discontentment, and distrust.
We have the luxury of thinking about things like happiness, fulfillment, purpose, self-actualization – all things related more to thriving than surviving – things about which our ancestors, quite frankly, didn’t give a damn.
So, while we do want to thrive, and experience happiness, we’re stuck with the same survival-mindset (known as the “negativity bias”) of our ancestors.
That’s why I’m hosting a series of free, live, virtual workshops called The Habits of Happiness, where we identify and begin to implement the essential Habits of Happiness – habits that don’t come naturally to us.
The second of these workshops will be on the Gratitude Habit.
Why gratitude? What does gratitude have to do with happiness?
Your nervous system is always in one of two states: a state of safety or danger.
Which of these states do you think is associated with happiness?
If you answered ‘safety,’ then we’re on the same page.
On the other hand, danger, real or perceived, is associated with anxiety.
Now, do you think gratitude puts your nervous system in a state of safety or danger?
That’s right (assuming you said ‘safety’). By signaling “everything’s ok,” gratitude puts your nervous system in a state of safety.
Unfortunately, just like our ancestors, by default, we view the world through a ‘what’s wrong?’ paradigm.
And, while that paradigm keeps us alive, it certainly doesn’t allow for much, if any, happiness. Instead, it keeps us stuck in a perpetual state of perceived danger, resulting in chronic anxiety, anger, and dissatisfaction with life.
With gratitude, however, we shift to seeing the world through a ‘what’s right?’ paradigm, which (you guessed it) leads to a feeling of safety – an essential ingredient in happiness.
We’ve all heard about the benefits of gratitude.
According to research (and there has been plenty of it to support each of the following claims), gratitude…
- Reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety
- Increases happiness and life satisfaction
- Enhances resilience and post-traumatic growth
- Lowers stress levels
- Improves self-esteem
- Strengthens relationships and deepens intimacy
- Increases trust and prosocial behavior
- Fosters forgiveness and better conflict resolution
- Enhances social support and connection
- Improves sleep quality and duration
- Lowers blood pressure and supports heart health
- Boosts immune function and overall physical well-being
- Reduces physical pain and encourages healthy behaviors
- Increases motivation and goal achievement
- Enhances patience and decision-making
- Strengthens perseverance and grit
- Deepens a sense of meaning and purpose
- Fosters awe, humility, and spiritual connection
So, what do we do with this information?
Well, once or twice a year, we force ourselves to give thanks, but that does about as much good for our mental hygiene as brushing our teeth twice a year would do for our dental hygiene.
If simply having AWARENESS of the benefits of gratitude was the answer, then we’d all be grateful! So, clearly, that’s not the solution.
If we know we SHOULD be grateful and WHY we should be grateful, then why, more often than not, aren’t we?
The same reason we aren’t doingmost everything else we know we SHOULD do and WHY we should… because it’s not a habit!
But, what if, like brushing your teeth, gratitude could be a habit?
What if you found yourself routinely and reliably experiencing gratitude?
What if, instead of seeing the world through a ‘what’s wrong?’ filter, you could begin habitually seeing it through a ‘what’s right?’ filter?
How would that positively impact your life – your happiness, your health, your relationships, your performance?
Developing the Gratitude Habit will result in you routinely and reliably experiencing gratitude so that you can shift…
- from self-pity → PEACE
- from complaint → CONTENTMENT
- from anxiety → APPRECIATION
In summary…
- Gratitude is an essential component of happiness.
- Gratitude does not come naturally to us.
- Gratitude can be developed as a habit.
If you’re interested in learning more about what working with me could look like, you can schedule a complimentary consultation with me (via Zoom) by clicking this link.