You’ve been lied to.
Granted…by well-meaning people (as if that makes it any less of a lie?).
You’ve been told that forgiveness is a choice – a one-time decision that you must make.
Supposedly, the moment you make that decision, the heavens open and the angels begin singing. And, if you really mean it, then you might even see a white light or feel something warm and fuzzy (double check to make sure it’s not a tarantula!).
What’s that? You’ve never experienced that?
Me neither!
Like me, you might have worked hard (consciously) to forgive and, therefore, THINK you’ve forgiven yourself or that other person…
The real test is…
How does your body (subconsciously) react at the thought or mention of the person, place, or thing?
Do you experience anger, sadness, regret, shame, physical discomfort, or thoughts that your life would be better if that thing had not happened?
If you answered “yes,” the reason is that your subconscious mind has not yet developed the Forgiveness Habit.
See, while your conscious mind may think you’ve forgiven yourself and others, your subconscious mind controls all of your feelings and, quite reliably, will let you know whether you’ve actually forgiven…
That’s right. I’m suggesting that, instead of being a one-time decision, forgiveness can and must be a habit.
And, I believe THE single most important habit anyone can develop is the Forgiveness Habit.
Why?
Because the lack of forgiveness (for yourself and others) is the single greatest factor that sabotages your well-being, enjoyment, satisfaction, and performance – things that are all ingredients of your happiness.
Developing the forgiveness habit begins by learning a new way to think about forgiveness – creating a shift in your mindset – that, when turned into a habit, results in you routinely and reliably experiencing subconscious forgiveness so that you can shift…
- from anger >>> ACCEPTANCE
- from shame >>> SELF-LOVE
- from sadness >>> SATISFACTION
So, how can you develop the Forgiveness Habit?
- Begin seeing the world, and the events happening in it, the way a rabbit sees it.
- Start with something small (when you sleep in and are running late or the guy who cuts you off in traffic). Don’t start with trying to forgive Stalin, Hitler, or your ex who cheated on you. (Although forgiveness is possible with them too!)
- Track your results – using a journal or a Forgiveness Tracker.
- Repeat the process (just like getting reps in at the gym, this takes repetition).
The Forgiveness Habit is starts with letting go of the subconscious belief – one that is reinforced by society – that anything could or should have been any different than it was and reinforcing a new (more useful) belief – one that you choose.
If you’re interested in learning more about what working with me could look like, you can schedule a complimentary consultation with me (via Zoom) by clicking this link.